Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them

It's a well known fact that a slow economy kills the restaurant industry. You can only imagine how painful it is as a server to work a slow shift... so we (my fellow co-workers and I) tend to create our own drama for entertainment's sake.

A glimpse of today's excitement: A two top (restaurant lingo for table of two) walks in and it's a gentlemen who looks to be in his early thirties and a girl who looks to be maybe 18 (on a good day). So of course everyone immediately starts gossiping about this couple and the age gap.

Being the good person that I am... (pause for laughter to subside)... I try to defend the pair by suggesting that they work together or are perhaps related; Noble efforts until they start holding hands and gazing longingly into one another's eyes (awkward).

So, now that we have established that they are definitely together (which is incredibly disturbing), all sorts of guesses as to the ages come flying. I say that he is most definitely in his 30's and she is probably still in high school and maybe he's like that creepy seminary teacher who slept with his 16 year old student, at which point should I report them?

Jared, thought that he just looked old and that she probably just looked really young and is most likely 22 or 23. BULL**** I look young, but if I was out with a 30 year old, I think most people would figure out that I'm in my mid twenties (geez, that sounds old). There's no way she's in her mid twenties.

So then we start coming up with ways to card the couple. They weren't drinking so we were left to preposterous excuses that are too ridiculous to even type.

I suggest the server card him when he pays with his credit card, or at least give me the guy's name and I'll google him. (Yes, I said it, I'd google him. Everyone told me I'm creepy. But I have no shame. I'd google him, and anyone else. In fact, I've probably googled you!)

Well, no need to card the guy, he paid with an American Express. And get this! He's been a card holder since 1997! So, knowing that you have to have pre-established credit to get an American Express card, teens in the 90's didn't have credit cards like they do now, and you pay for an American Express, we're deducing that the earliest he would have joined American Express was at the tender age of 21, meaning he is now.... ta da 33!

It feels so good to be right. Ahhh but now we have to figure out her age. I suggest the server strike up conversation along the lines of "You look so familiar, did you go to high school around here?" "What year did you graduate?"... oh you haven't yet, mmmhmmm.

Haha, well we never figured out her age, but it at least provided about 30 minutes of shameless entertaining gossip. Don't you wish you stood around all day not making money.