So...
I need feedback.
One of my best friends is getting married, and Cary and I would LOVE to go.
The issue is the cost. The trip will cost us about a month's wages (yeah, we're poooor).
Oh and Cary doesn't really get vacation time, so we'd only be able to take 3 maybe 4 days off, 2 of which would be spent flying across the country
(if we could spend a week or 10 days we might just figure it'd be our last trip... ever)
I'm torn between wanting to be there for my friend and this being a once in a lifetime event vs. the financial strain and responsible side saying just send a nice gift.
What do you think? How much is too much to go to a wedding? If you were the one getting married, how upset would you be (or if you're already married, were you upset when friends couldn't make it)? Is this something that will put a rift in a friendship?
(And obviously I don't make all my decisions based on other's opinions, but I was thinking maybe someone has insight in a been there done that sort of way... ya know, i'll borrow some of that 20-20 hindsight right now)
6 comments:
Missing a wedding is sad and unfortunate, but not something that should cause a rift in the relationship. We don't live in a world where people have money to hop on a plane and go where they really would rather be at any time and without consequence.
It's a huge sacrifice, and if you make it, I hope your friend realizes that. And if you don't make it, that's life.
Knowing how busy and stressful weddings are, you'll definitely be missed, but there will be other things to fill that void. You can plan double-vacations as families after the wedding, when both of you have more money.
But what do I know? I went to Scotland for a wedding...
I think if your friend is really your friend, he/she will understand you not being able to go out there. Good luck!
Honestly I would only spend the money if it were a family member. But if you really want to go you could just go with Zoey and Cary could stay home. You would spend half the money and you could stay a little longer if you wanted to. I think your friend will understand if you can't make it plus a lot of her time will probably be spent with family the day before the wedding and the day of she'll be busy being the bride so you might not even get to spend a lot of time with her. Sorry for the novel!
Honestly I would only spend the money if it were a family member. But if you really want to go you could just go with Zoey and Cary could stay home. You would spend half the money and you could stay a little longer if you wanted to. I think your friend will understand if you can't make it plus a lot of her time will probably be spent with family the day before the wedding and the day of she'll be busy being the bride so you might not even get to spend a lot of time with her. Sorry for the novel!
Ok, I just had to put in my 2 cents, because, well, I don't have a good excuse. I just felt like it. :) I agree with the fact that it shouldn't cause a rift or anything like that, I would say ya'll are good enough friends and we're all at a point in our lives that we understand we can't afford stuff. That being said, I realized that I too often based my decisions on money, and I've tried to base my decisions more frequently on what I value (within reason). Obviously, if I'm going to go into tons of debt, probably not a smart idea. But if I have the money, even if it's a lot, to me, experiences trump money to me. If I value the people and the experience, I will always try to make it happen. Just my opinion. And it depends on so many things, sometimes there are still things that just cost to much. Only you know all the details. :)
Oh I've been in this predicament before...On one occasion I pinched and sacrificed to get there for a friend and in the end it was nice, but I felt like the cost wasn't worth it. I basically showed up to the reception, spoke with her for a few seconds and then the she was busy for the rest of the night with other friends/family/guests. Understandably.
But on another occasion where I again was torn to make it, it ended up being one of the best trips. I was only there 1 night before the wedding but I got to attend a bachelorette party, help her get ready in the morning, we spent alot of time together at the reception (it was a smaller wedding) and overall I felt like I was able to contribute to her wedding, got bonding time and witness some really sweet tender moments....so point is, how intimately close are you with this friend? Will you just attend the wedding, or will you get to be a part of it? If you're just attending just enjoy the fb photos later and save your cash.
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