I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale

Friday, July 31, 2009

Jo and I are having a bit of trouble with life planning.

I continue to have mini mid-life crises (sp?) whenever it dawns on me that I am doing nothing with my life, and I'm not particularly happy about it. I usually pick myself up, go back to work, and continue on with my humdrum life (imagine the accent of the girl in "Singing in the Rain"), only to have the exact same meltdown a month or two later. Cheesecake can only fix this problem so many times.

Jo is embarking on her junior year and has no clue what she would like to major in. So I try to help her pick a major because deep down I think I just want to continue getting bachelor's degrees for the rest of my life. For me, the problem is not a lack of interest in all of the majors, it's that I would pick so many of them.

At any rate, we continue to struggle and are left in the abyss of indecision. I warn you, it is lonely and depressing and fat accumulating and boring and uninspiring and mind numbing and various other unpleasant adjectives.

So, I suggested that Jo plan my life and I'll plan hers. She immediately shot me down. I don't think she likes this game. Anyhow, so I'm left with my faithful readers... all 3 of you! What next, I ask? If you were me, what would you do? (seriously though, don't tell me what we would all do if we had an alter ego that had no inhibitions and limitless funds, but what would you actually do?)

Thanks in advance for the input... all advice will be carefully weighed before making an rash decisions!

Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them

Thursday, July 23, 2009

It's a well known fact that a slow economy kills the restaurant industry. You can only imagine how painful it is as a server to work a slow shift... so we (my fellow co-workers and I) tend to create our own drama for entertainment's sake.

A glimpse of today's excitement: A two top (restaurant lingo for table of two) walks in and it's a gentlemen who looks to be in his early thirties and a girl who looks to be maybe 18 (on a good day). So of course everyone immediately starts gossiping about this couple and the age gap.

Being the good person that I am... (pause for laughter to subside)... I try to defend the pair by suggesting that they work together or are perhaps related; Noble efforts until they start holding hands and gazing longingly into one another's eyes (awkward).

So, now that we have established that they are definitely together (which is incredibly disturbing), all sorts of guesses as to the ages come flying. I say that he is most definitely in his 30's and she is probably still in high school and maybe he's like that creepy seminary teacher who slept with his 16 year old student, at which point should I report them?

Jared, thought that he just looked old and that she probably just looked really young and is most likely 22 or 23. BULL**** I look young, but if I was out with a 30 year old, I think most people would figure out that I'm in my mid twenties (geez, that sounds old). There's no way she's in her mid twenties.

So then we start coming up with ways to card the couple. They weren't drinking so we were left to preposterous excuses that are too ridiculous to even type.

I suggest the server card him when he pays with his credit card, or at least give me the guy's name and I'll google him. (Yes, I said it, I'd google him. Everyone told me I'm creepy. But I have no shame. I'd google him, and anyone else. In fact, I've probably googled you!)

Well, no need to card the guy, he paid with an American Express. And get this! He's been a card holder since 1997! So, knowing that you have to have pre-established credit to get an American Express card, teens in the 90's didn't have credit cards like they do now, and you pay for an American Express, we're deducing that the earliest he would have joined American Express was at the tender age of 21, meaning he is now.... ta da 33!

It feels so good to be right. Ahhh but now we have to figure out her age. I suggest the server strike up conversation along the lines of "You look so familiar, did you go to high school around here?" "What year did you graduate?"... oh you haven't yet, mmmhmmm.

Haha, well we never figured out her age, but it at least provided about 30 minutes of shameless entertaining gossip. Don't you wish you stood around all day not making money.

I had that dream again where I was lost for good in outerspace

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair. This ensures that all the shampoo will have rinsed out over the 5 minutes to wash the rest of me.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? grey

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes, but I'd rather kiss the second to last person. Or I can think of a couple others as well.

4. Do you plan outfits? On sundays I try on 3 or 4 and then always resort to an outfit I know I'll be comfortable in. The rest of the week I have my go-to outfits that I wear over and over.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Exhausted, a little lonely because Jo is out of town, and thanks to that stupid question, wishing it wasn't gonna be such a long time before I kissed someone again.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red? eewww the stripes on my plaid couch.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Mmmm it involved eating papa john's and then saving the leftovers then waking up the next day and eating the leftovers. A rather delicious dream, that is probably my subconscious telling me it wishes I would crack down and buy some food.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? I wait tables. I meet new people every day.

9. What are you craving right now? Ice cream kind of, but not enough to get off the couch.

10. Do you floss daily? No, but I'm getting better since I bought those disposable floss pick things.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Ugh, nothing particularly appetizing.

12. Are you emotional? I was recently told that I was the most unemotional girl that the individual had ever met. It was then seconded by several others.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No. That's just stupid.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Bite.

15. Do you like your hair? Most days. I'd say it's one of my better features.

16. Do you like yourself? Yes, but I'm extremely hard on myself, and I believe I have lots of areas for improvement.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? No, I'd rather spend the night with a friend.

18. What are you listening to right now? Jack's Mannequin.

19. Are your parents strict? Not especially. They had rules, but I think my over active conscious always made it so they didn't have to be too strict.

20. Would you go sky diving? HECK YES! Let's go!

21. Do you like cottage cheese? No. Eeww I just pictured fatty white cellulite thighs.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes. Several. But typically I don't care.

23. Do you rent movies often? I have netflix, so technically all the time.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? No.

25. How many countries have you visited? Not enough.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes.... Ha ha i second Shelli on this one!!! My favorite was when Kira made a prank phone call - "This is your local bunny calling. Have you been naughty or nice?"

27. Ever been on a train? Yeah.

28. Brown or white eggs? White are cheaper.

29.Do you have a cell-phone? Yes, and it's like a third arm... it's painful going without it for several days.

30. Do you use chap stick? Only about every ten minutes.

31. Do you own a gun?
No, I don't think they're necessary. Seriously... i live in Provo Utah!

32. Can you use chop sticks? I can, but no... I eat cereal more than anything else.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Not who I want to be with tonight.

34. Are you too forgiving? I'd say I'm just the right amount of forgiving.

35. Ever been in love? Yes.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Chilling with me/I don't know.

37. Ever have cream puffs? This quiz is making me hungry.

38. Last time you cried? Hmmm several months ago comes to mind... but I have that lingering feeling I'm forgetting one time.

39. What was the last question you asked? Are you asleep already?

40. Favorite time of the year? Summer is a superior season. I wish it was infinite.

41. Do you have any tattoos? No, and I never will. But if I had to get one slash lost my mind momentarily I'd get a tarheel on the inside of my right ankle.

42. Are you sarcastic? Yes.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yes. Interesting idea. Waste of 2 hours.

44. Have you ever walked into a wall? Ha. Yes.

45. Favorite color?
Clear. No. Blue.

46. Have you ever been slapped by someone? Yes.

47. Is your hair curly? Used to be.

48. What was the last CD you bought? Holy, I can't remember that far back. I think it was a christmas cd about 5 years ago.

49. Do looks matter? Yes, but they're not the end all be all.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Cheater's bug me. Though trivial there used to be some girls in my stake who would cheat at games and I always felt it my civic duty to expose them for what they were. I hate a cheater.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? No, I pretty much stick to texting.

52. Do you like your life right now? Umm I'd be ok with a couple changes.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? No.

54. Can you handle the truth? I can't take this question seriously because I just picture Jack Nicholson screaming "You can't handle the truth."

55. Do you have good vision? Yes. Hearing, no.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? Hate, no. Dislike, Umm sure. I'm not perfect.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? At least once a day.

58. The last person you held hands with? Not sure.

59. What are you wearing? Booty shorts (boxer style) and a men's white button down shirt. Hmm it sounds a lot sexier than it actually is.

60. Are you going to get straight back to work now? This implies that I'm doing this survey as a break from work, which I'm not. I worked my 11 hours straight today. I'll finish this and continue to read everyone's blog.

It's 3 am I must be lonely

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Since returning from Germany, I completely lack the desire to work. It's summer. The season for play! Late nights, barbeques, bonfires, summer flings, ice cream, sitting on the lawn chatting, pools, tanning, scandalous clothes, and everything else fabulous in this world. And obviously, whenever one is enjoying such fabulous things, what do you want to do? Share them! So why won't anyone come play with me?

It's 3 am, 10 am, noon, 6 pm, 9 pm, 11:30 and I'm still lonely.

Life in Plastic, it's fantastic!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

*Side note: The title does tie in to my post, but also they played this song in a club in Germany... seriously, Germany, let's step up our music selection.*

So, rather than continue to repeat myself (or more likely just respond with Germany was fine), I figured I should write down some of my adventures from the past 3 weeks. Here goes (not necessarily in any particular order):

1. First of all, I got to use a company credit card, which is awesome! If there were two desserts I wanted, instead of picking one I just got both. Why not? (you're picturing a much rounder carla right now, but don't worry i only put on like 5 lbs., 10 max)

2. I always said if I ever had a job where I had a company card I would tip fat... and tip fat I did! (I always tip fat with my own money too) ((And before you go judging me for wasting company money, we rarely got to go out, so when we did, yes I was gluttonous... but I still didn't even spend a third of my allowance))

3. The trip to Germany began with a painfully long flight which was then followed with the 7 hour Tour de Germany! All in all it was a 26 hour travel day. *Note to self (or those reading this blog): when someone is arriving after a 14 hour flight, send someone to the airport who will know how to get home)

4. It's all good though, because the people that were in the lost van with me turned out to be fun people as well as people who can help me get another opening :)

5. Also, we would come across a sign that read "Ausfarht," and one of the girls would exclaim oh yay, ausfarht this is where we were before... bahahaha.... ausfarht means exit, we saw a lot of those signs.

6. All in all, the whole experience felt very much like girls camp. You work your tush off from 8 am til 11 pm and you're expected to be perky the whole time. You have pasta pals (buddy system) and you give them gifts at the end of the 3 weeks (much like secret sisters). Everyone goes out together and is constantly being counted (we even had to line up single file once... how embarassing). There are certification packets that the servers have to complete (basically like certifiying each year of camp). And everyone plays pranks throughout the entire trip.

7. So basically what I'm saying is, the trip was hard and fun, exhausting and exhilarating, frustrating and rewarding and every emotion in between. They all told me I'd cry, but don't worry, no tears were shed (it's confirmed, I am cold hearted).

Favorite Quotes of the trip

1. "Man, we're staying in a freaking nice a** prison." (The hotel wasn't officially open yet, so we were on lockdown after 11 pm. It was a really nice hotel, but with no lights after 11, no internet, and no way to get back in if you left... it really did feel like a prison)

2. "Man this song is depressing... turn it up." (Taking a taxi to a restaurant one night, one of the 40 year old guys said this about Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry')

3. Scenario: Ivan, who is puerto rican, hasn't been eating much on the trip because he is a picky eater and complains that all we eat is bread. Big Joe also is sick of bread and offers to make lunch one day.

Big Joe to Ivan: "Hey man, I'm making burritos and chili today."
Ivan to Big Joe: "I'm not mexican, b****" (as the mexican server walks by)
Ivan turns to Mexican server: "No offense."

(it just doesn't sound as funny in print, sadly there's no way to type Ivan's accent which makes everything ten times funnier than it normally would ever be)

Highlights of the Trip

-We met the band blue october
-I got to have real gelato!
-I got a teddy bear that yoddles (please come over--it'll make your day)
-Plastic (company credit card)
-The sun doesn't set til 10:30 pm, so even though you're in work all day we still got out right as the sun was setting, which was so nice!
-The bed in the hotel was absolutely amazing... I just wish I had had more time to bond with it.
-One of the Air Force head honchos gave us a military coin. Basically you keep the coin with you and if you run into anyone who should have the coin at a bar, you can lay it on the bar and if they can't produce their coin than drinks are on them, if they do show their coin you have to buy everyone at the bar drinks. I guess it's pretty prestigious to get a coin, so I was pretty stoked about it. Plus you better believe I'm gonna walk into mac grills all over the country now, slam my coin down and make them buy me a coke! (That was the running joke, since I don't drink and coke doesn't set anyone back very much)
-I have lots of new friends all over the country... you never know when that will come in handy.

So, in case you didn't have the patience to read this, which I can't really blame you, the trip was good. There were hard days and they were long days, but it was an amazing opportunity and I'm grateful I was chosen to go, and I'd go again in a heartbeat.