I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

In case you're having a hard day, here's a little therapy...

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For a better grade."
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance with the prophecy."
7. Don't use any punctuation
8. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
9. Specify your drive-thru order is "To Go."
10. Put Mosquito netting around your work area and make tropical sounds all day.
11. Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
12. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the lot yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
15. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."


Woke up early this morning, and made my coffee like i always do

Actually I don't drink coffee. But I bet I'd be in a better mood in the morning if I did.

So I woke up at 5 and was a bit cranky because I got less than 5 hours of sleep and I was about to go get the pulp beat out of me (aka swim practice). As well as leaving my warm bed to enter the frigid utah air only makes matters worse. So as I stumble out the door mumbling and grumbling about the cold and my lack of sleep I hear some rumbling on one of the balconies on the second floor. I look up to find a couple shifting around trying to get comfortable while they attempt to sleep on a hammock on the balcony.

Somewhat alarmed, but mostly amused I considered the possibility of screaming at them to just go inside and sleep on the couch. I mean honestly. Stupid BYU students who try to be all technical about not breaking the honor code, by not having a boy in your apartment after midnight... but I'm pretty sure BYU would frown upon sleeping with the boy out of your apartment as well. Aside from the fact that neither 20 degree weather nor sleeping in a hammock with another person are very comfortable.

Anyhow, rather than blurt out all these thoughts that raced through my head in 20 seconds, I just laughed... out loud. I hope they heard me. I'm still laughing. Oh life in p-town, don't you wish you lived here!

Today we salute you, Mr....

Friday, October 24, 2008

You know the saying "it's the little things in life..." I actually don't know how that statement is supposed to end, but something like it's the little things that make life worth living. Amen.

Recently, upon entering my car and turning on the radio, I have been overjoyed to hear that Budweiser is at it again with those little bits of hilarity known as .... drumroll please.... REAL MEN OF GENIUS.

Today we salute you
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
(mr. 80 SPF sunblock wearer)
There are 24 hours in a day
You're wearing 80 hour protection
If the sun fails to go down...
You'll be ready.
(don't forget the moonlight)

Your coconut-scented force field
blocks out all the sun's rays
and any stray rays
from another sun
in another galaxy.
(you're a star)

30 SPF?
you might as well be wearing cooking oil
(something smells delicious)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light
Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer
In fact, feel free to crack one open at high noon
In the middle of the Sahara Desert
(mr. 80 SPF sunblock wearer)

For a complete list of these 30 second moments of bliss see Real Men of Genius

And I am here still waiting, though i still have my doubts

My manager recently asked me what my plans for the future are, and after talking to her for about 5 minutes, I realized that I had already had this exact same conversation with her. A year earlier. I feel as though I am in the exact same place I was a year ago. I know, I know, I have since then been on several cool trips, I'm slowly seeing the world, etc. etc. But I still can't help but feel that I am going nowhere, fast.

So, what do i do in times of distress, but turn to a great Grey's quote, put so nicely by Meredith herself in my favorite episode. "I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the abscence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today."

Food, Glorious Food!.... not quite

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The bathrooms at Macaroni Grill smell like funfetti cake batter.

It's kind of an alarming smell, in that when you walk in to the bathroom your senses are all of a sudden confused. You usually don't expect the bathroom to smell like a pillsbury bakery. I must admit at first it was just weird, and I really didn't appreciate the mix of location and this usually enticing smell. But now i have grown quite fond of our saccharine odorific restrooms. I wish every bathroom smelled like funfetti cake mix!

I know a place where the sun is always shining

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Highlights of Fall Break (a.k.a. my L.A. and San Diego trip)

1. (lists are more fun than paragraphs, so here we go) WICKED! This play was amazing. 'Nuff said. You know how some plays you enjoy, but you wouldn't ever pay to see it again, Wicked is not that play. I could see this one over and over and over.

2. Shamu spinning on the platform in the pool, almost like the breakdance move, the coindrop. And yes, Shamu is still alive (or at least a killer whale named Shamu... it's kind of like saying Jesus is alive, because there's Jesus' everywhere (although, it could be the original, the whales live long in captivity, one was 42 years old)).

3. The Waffle. A delicious little restaurant we happened upon at which we ate delicious waffles for dinner. I love places that serve gourmet breakfast foods all hours of the day. I had carrot cake waffles with some tasty syrup and cream cheese sauce.

4. There was a Race for the Cure in Balboa Park, in San Diego on sunday, and we saw a black t-shirt with two baseballs on the front that said "Don't let breast cancer steal second base." Ha. (I think it's better than the save the ta-ta's shirts).

5. Four trys to gas up Cassie's VW Jetta. So I pull up to gas up and get out of the car only to realize that the gas tank is on the wrong side of the car (a.k.a. the passenger side). So, a little frustrated, I pull a U-turn to the pump on the other side, only to realize that I'm an idiot and I'm still not on the required side in order to fill up. So I pull around in a circle to get the passenger side next to the pump, get out, and realize that this time I have pulled up to a diesel only pump. At this point I am ready to forget getting gas, but Cassie after laughing hysterically comes to my rescue and pulls the car up to a pump where I can proceed to gas up.

So, those are the best highlights. We also went to Universal Studios on Friday. It was a lot of fun, but there's a lot more shows than rides, and Disney is just basically better, but Jurassic Park was a really fun ride, and The Simpsons was cool too. In SeaWorld we also went to a dolphin show which was cool, but the seal show was one of the best because they had a halloween special and danced to thriller. It was pretty S-I-C-K, that means sick. Oh and the weather was perfect. I got a sunburn. And we realized that it is practically impossible for me to get lost (a little to my own disappointment). That's about all. Overall, a pretty respectable fall break!

I've been a fool for lesser things

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Despite the failing economy and needed car repairs and expensive certification exams I should be taking, I've decided to invest my money in other areas of my life. Namely, the development of my appreciation for the arts.

I am going to see Wicked! I'm going to LA/San Diego for the weekend. I am so excited. Even though this trip is totally not in the budget, I believe it is totally worth it. As my sister said "You're only 22 once." AMEN.

So, Cassie and I are headed down to L.A. where we will see Wicked and go to Universal Studios and then we will head down to San Diego where we are going to SeaWorld (I really really want to see Shamu) and hopefully we'll hit up the beach.

Hopefully, I'll actually have some awesome stories and pictures to post about. Until then... it's work, work, work for me (gotta make money for souvenirs and postcards :)

Who Needs Sleep? Tell me what's that for

Thursday, October 9, 2008

So I've developed a new talent/condition/hobby.... wait for it.... Narcolepsy! I have developed the ability to fall asleep practically anywhere and at anytime I am given the opportunity. It's beautiful.

Minus the fact that I'm not given the opportunity very often. In fact, it might not even be classified as Narcolepsy, because I'm sure Narcolepsy has something to do with neurons and systems not operating properly, and I'm pretty sure my talent/condition/hobby is a result of my new schedule. Basically I arise before the dawn has cracked (5 am for those unfamiliar with this ungodly hour) to then have my muscles ripped from my bones and shredded simultaneously (aka swim practice). Two hours later I head home in the freezing utah dawn to catch up on news before I go in to work.

I know what you're thinking... quit crying, there's enough water in the pool already. I know. I actually love it, despite the miniscule sane part of my brain screaming "what is wrong with you." I just wanted to let you know, next time I fall asleep during dinner, a phone conversation, a movie, pretty much anytime... it's nothing personal. Besides, i just keep telling myself (as the BNL said) "Who needs sleep? be happy with what you're getting. There's a guy who's been awake since the Second World War."

It felt like the world would freeze

Monday, October 6, 2008

So last week, out of frustration with my wardrobe, I uttered the words "I want the weather to get cold." At that moment in time the thought of wearing my long put away (ha, since beginning of june) long sleeve shirts, cute coats, and beanies seemed oh so exciting!

Well, curse me and forgive me my blasphemy, I did not mean it. I'm already tired of the cold weather and I wish I could magically make it be the beginning of summer. Summer is just a superior season.

The most disappointing part of the cold weather is that despite the comfort of sleeping in bed with all sorts of covers and knowing you have a toasty little haven from the surrounding chilly air, it takes me a good 15 minutes to heat up the bed after getting in. I think there might be something wrong with my internal heater, because I'm just not emitting enough heat.

Maybe... it's because I don't have enough body fat. Ha ha ha, yeah, well... it's as good an excuse as any to go eat ice cream...

Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I am so ridiculously tired, I'm not even going to attempt to write a post, so here's a quote to sum up my ponderings of the evening. Make of it what you will...

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

Rescue me from everything

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The bail-out bill just passed in the Senate.

My roommate is getting a Master's degree in economics. Between her rantings and flipping through her fun subscription to the Economist magazine, I've recently decided that I should probably be concerned about the economy. I don't agree with the bill, and I think the only reason it passed in the Senate is because only 1/3 of the Senate is up for re-election this year and so the majority doesn't care what their constituents want, while practically all the members of the house are up for re-election and they actually have to listen to the people who write them nasty letters if they want to be re-elected.

The 700 billion dollar bill, wait let me repeat that, seven hundred BILLION dollar bill is supposedly going to help with the economic crisis, but no one is really sure that it is. So, why would we spend an unfathomable amount of money to fix a problem that we're not sure can be fixed? Because congress isn't full of economists. We just have charismatic, good-looking individuals who can read a que card especially well and dribble on about change.

So, with the largest bank failure in U.S. history under our belt, and in anticipation of what might be the new "great depression," I'm wondering if I should go buy the expensive bike I want now before my money isn't worth anything and we can't get gas for our cars, or wait and save my money for more neccesary items such as food (my parents don't think the fat on my bones would sustain me for a week).

I suppose this is kind of a bleak outlook on the inevitable recession that is creeping up on us when really I think there will be some great consequences even if the next 10 years kind of suck. Let's see... the day of american's living beyond their means is over, this might appease the terrorists for a little while with the attitude we americans are getting what we deserve, and the second coming is getting closer.

And to think you all make fun of me for buying ridiculous amounts of cereal. Feel free to stop by when you're hungry :)