Darling it's better down where it's wetter

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Just read this on msnbc:

Researchers in Germany found that drinking two 8-ounce glasses of cold water increased their subjects' metabolic rate by 30%, and the effect persisted for 90 minutes.

Fascinating.... So why the crap are you denying me water, Germany?!?!? WHY??????????

Well I'm on my, I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Some of you might have made fun of me in the past because I frequently proclaim that I'm not sick, because I refuse to get sick. Colds are defiantly warded off by not indulging my runny nose, and mind over matter typically wins.

I, however, am sad to report that I have met my demise whilst chilling in Germany, and I blame the kids. Ha ha, typical I suppose, but seriously I haven't hung around kids in a long time and now I live in the basement apartment of a girl who has two little one's, which we all know are just disease carrying hosts waiting for an unsuspecting college student (post college, whatever) to come their way.

If I was more talented with computers I would post the clip from You've Got Mail where she's home sick and he brings her daisies and she says "my head feels fuzzy." It'd be great and you're blog stalking ways would be satisfied...

Alas, since I lack such skills, I will resort to entertaining you with more of my German discoveries (do not be confused, some of these have no relation to Germany, merely that I am in Germany while happening upon these discoveries).

1. Driving 100 mph on the autobahn is AWESOME! Whoever said speeding doesn't really get you anywhere was wrong. It gets you everywhere, and in a timely manner.

2. Döner equals delicious. See picture.

3. Fake nails are not conducive to winning a competitive game of Nertz. Since my need to win a random pick up game is greater than my need to look good... the likelihood of my ever splurging on fake nails again is slim.

4. Europe is a continent of dehydrated folk. The human body is some 75%ish water... in most of the world. In Europe it's more like 68% beer and 7% water. I recently paid 3 euros (about 5 bucks) for .25mL (about 8 oz) water. This is absurd! Seriously, drinking water is not only a basic human right, but should be complimentary when you're paying 15 to 20 euros for a meal.

From now on, that tacky American seen carrying her own Nalgene bottle into restaurants will be Carla.

5. Germany builds overpasses for animals. They're covered with trees and grass. So animal friendly here...

6. The girls military uniforms seriously need redesigning. I believe I could more than adequately design uniforms that are functional yet not so hideous. In fact I could design uniforms considered flattering, and modest (there's enough sexual harrassment suits as it is). If anyone knows who I should contact about this, let me know. I'm thinking I'll shoot a little e-mail over to Obama with my ideas.

Oh and two funny stories relating to peeps over here:

1. We were at dinner and talking about how people are light/heavy sleepers and one of the girls I'm friends with told a story of how her cat gave birth to kittens on top of her bed while she was sleeping in it. Gross, eh? I'm baffled at how one can sleep through such a strenuous and painful process for any mammal, but then I unfortunately am a light sleeper...

2. The 1 year old girl who lives upstairs is a bit on the chubby side. I was helping her get ready to go out, so i put a shirt on and kept trying to pull the shirt down, but it kept popping up just like the mouse's shirt on cinderella. It was pretty hilarious, and if anyone wants to rub her belly for good luck I'm only charging one euro :)

WELL, that's all for now, heading to France on Wednesday-so stay tuned

Gotta let me live, gotta let me do for me, gotta let me learn...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

So I did it, I took the leap, despite the doubters out there, and I made it to Germany! Am I crazy, well of course I am. Nobody moves to a country where they don't speak the language without being a little off their rocker, but if thousands of people can move to the states and make it work, I can certainly get by for a few months in Germany.

Here's some of the things I've learned thus far...

1. I like Icelandair...

a) 33 in. of legroom, perfect for my 31 in legs (no, 2 in really doesn't make that much difference, a plane is still uncomfortable when you're on it for 6 hours straight)

b) No ice in the drinks allowing for more beverage

c) Though there's no food, not even peanuts for a 6 hour flight, they do offer free entertainment (free being the key here, most airlines do not maintain this word in their vernacular)

d) Said free entertainment is also edited for language and content. Ha here were some of the funniest replacement phrases
1) Did you bag her?
2) Toe job
3) Son of a brick

-If you find these offensive do not, I repeat do not watch the free entertainment on Iceland air. I however, enjoyed watching Lie to me and Burn notice.

2. Iceland is really dark. At 8 am, it was pitch black and I couldn't see any stars. Hmmm...

3. Cuckoo clocks are annoying. They're chirping is especially annoying in the middle of the night. And this is compounded by the multiple clocks that can be found in german homes.

4. Knudsens sparkling cherry juice is just like cough syrup, smell and everything.

5. Living in Germany is going to be texting detox for me... I can't wait to get back to the states and come back with a vengenance. Expect lots of text messages in about 6 months.

6. This won't really be a break from American life. The exchange rate for the dollar is kind of terrible, so I'll probably stick to American groceries and everything else on base, except when traveling.

Well, every day is a new experience. I hope this all works out for me.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip

Friday, January 8, 2010

Some ponderings...

So imagine you were stuck on a desert island, and you got to choose one other person to be stuck with you.

Many would choose their boyfriend/girlfriend because they enjoy spending time with them blah blah blah (let's not focus on how selfish it is to choose him/her to be stuck on a desert island, thus ruining his/her future as well).

Ok... it gets a little crazier after this, but stick with me, I'm curious about everyone's opinion.

So, you're on a desert island. Just the two of you. Your options are to get married or to not get married (committing adultery is not an option, we're rolling with the assumption that you are mormon, sorry folks). Now, I realize this wouldn't be a temple marriage, but since you are the only two people on the island you could decide on the law and then lawfully be wed.

So I'm just gonna conclude you choose to get married, because well you chose this person to be stuck with you, and it could be a very long time (or you could die) so you might as well just get married.

So here's my question (finally, right?). Do you just say we're married and that's that, or do you make up some kind of ritual/event/phrase anything to make it feel like you actually did something to pass from singledom to marriage?

I thought there should be something ridiculous such as the gentleman must swim around the island 3 times, followed by blah blah blah...

Items to consider:

1. Is the island the size of the island on Lost? or much smaller?
2. Is there just beach on the island, or do you also have forest?
3. After being on a desert island are you afraid you'll realize you made a poor decision of who to bring?
4. Or are you hoping to be like gilligan's island--who got lost after only a 3 hour tour--pretty much making it highly realistic that you will be found within a week.

I'm thinking over the things that you said

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I've been home for the past two weeks and I've realized that my family might have some small issues with communication.

For those who think I am judgemental and unfairly assessing my family (cause what do I know, when I only come home for Christmas). I say to you, good point. However, here are just two examples from dinner.

Emily: "Yeah my flight leaves at 3 pm and lands at 10 pm."
Mom: "Isn't that amazing that planes are so fast. Although I really liked Mammoth park."

Ummm yes... many faces from Carla... followed by, "I'm sorry, those two sentences are in no way correlated? Am I the only one who is lost?"

(Translation for you: Yes, planes are fast; however, because we drove to Missouri we were able to stop at Mammoth park, which I really enjoyed.)

Now, as though one example ever proved anything. Enter Heather.

Emily: "I really want to learn how to can."
Heather: "Canning requires sugar."

Well, clearly canning requires sugar, so I suppose you would have to hear Heather's tone, but it was said as though sugar was a huge problem. Eventually the missing conversation was explained to me (Emily is on a no sugar diet).

I get what you're thinking... these aren't a big deal Carla. But imagine a whole dinner with sentences missing and soon you're in a puddle of despair wondering what happened to basic english.

May, I also point out that Emily (the english professor) is the common link in these two stories. Just saying...

As long as there is thirst, there's always...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The beauty of coming home for more than 3 days at Christmas is the opportunity provided for your family to remember all the ridiculous things you have done throughout your life and bring them back up to declare your stupidity to the world.

Let me share one such instance for your unbridled enjoyment.

As I recall this event occured during either the summer of '98 or '99. At this time in my young adult (yes, I use that loosely) life, my family would take summer vacations to the beach. During these warm, endless, sunny days, my brother and I thought it was much more entertaining to utilize sunscreen for temporary tattoo's as opposed to the intended overall sun protection Waterbabies advocates.

We typically would fashion a batman, superman or large A on my brother's chest in the vain hopes that he would be permanently (a few months) branded. Well, I can't say that any of our attempts actually resulted in anything more than a slight discoloration of his chest.

So when my sister dared me to write a sunscreen tattoo on my leg, I quickly agreed and thought it would be little more than the front of my legs looking a shade lighter than the back.

Of course, as my family is very classy, her inspiration for my less than flattering mark can be traced to a popular ad campaign at the time. Let me refresh your memory...

Yes, I wrote "Make 7" on one leg and "Up Yours" on the other, only to have it become the most successful sunscreen tattoo anyone has ever seen. My bishop found it particularly unnerving that following Sunday to look down from the podium and see an innocent Beehive with her legs crossed and read "Up Yours."

And as though the humiliation of having obscenities tanned into my legs last through the entire winter isn't enough, my family brings these stories up at dinner 10 years later.

Gotta love family.

Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!! (ok my post is a few days late... whatever)

I rang in the New Year in Atlanta. And here's the top ten things I loved about Atlanta.

1. Coke World was awesome and this was one of my favorite commercials.

2. A hair salon named "Oh My Nappy Hair" Salon.

3. Virginia Tech beating Tennessee at the Chick-fil-A bowl.

4. All the little boys dressed in suits at church.

Well, technically they were all young black boys; however, google image finder sucks. You get the point.

5. Shopping at Ikea. Ha ha, I don't know why this is such a thrill for me...

6. Copeland's Cheesecake. Food was great! Cheesecake was great!Good way to end the day.

7. Petting a shark at the aquarium!

8. Seeing the piranha's at the aquarium (Piranha's are my favorite).

9. Great seats at the Atlanta Hawks v. New York Knicks game.

10. Seeing the peach drop.

Well, it wasn't all that exciting, but it was something to do.

You pull me closer to love

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I'm leaving for Germany!

Holy cow, it's been a little crazy getting to this point, but I'm leaving at the end of the week. And I can't help but want to give my shout-outs...

I keep thinking of the lyrics from Wicked's "For Good":

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you....

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Ok, ok this post is starting to sound like I'm dying, or moving permanently which is not the case, but as it is a new year, full of new year's resolutions and all that jazz, it's a great time to thank all of those who have definitely made an impact on my life over the past year or two in P-town.

Jo: My friend, my confidant, my partner in crime, my roommate, my consultant, my voice of reason, the list goes on and on. I am surely better because of our friendship and I count my blessings everyday for having moved into your apartment in august 2007. Thanks.

Those who made work at the macshack bearable. Lots to name, none of which actually read my blog, but good co-workers make all the difference at work and they're free on call therapists/life coaches/motivational speakers/career counselors/comedians and overall just good friends. Thanks.

To my roadtrip buddies: Cassie and Dee you guys are awesome friends. It's not just anybody that I would choose to spend any amount greater than thirty minutes in the car with, and give me a car and a credit card and the two of you are definitely on the top of my list for an adventure. Thanks.

Becca: You just encourage me to do all the crazy things that pop into my mind, and for that you are truly awesome. It takes a remarkable friend to encourage craziness, and an even better one to join in. Thanks.

Cary: You definitely impacted my last half of the year for the better. And though some boyfriends would never forgive me moving 5,000 miles away... you said "it's not everyday you get to see the world carla morgan, just make sure to come back" Thanks for being the best "on-pause" boyfriend I've ever had (and no, that is not mocking the fact that you're the only "on-pause boyfriend" I've ever had).

So here's to another crazy year... can't wait to catch up over some Kneaders/Zupas/Cafe Rio/Hospital food/and everywhere else we frequent.

Gotta get home this year

Monday, January 4, 2010

My sister had a bad date. She told me about the boy's complete lack of conversation abilities and described the date as a bad game of twenty questions. One such question being "Who is your favorite President?"

This begs the question who has a favorite president? Or more importantly, why would you ask this on a first date (supposing you are not both poli sci majors who lack interests relating to the general population)?

Of course, upon 2 more seconds of pondering I find the abundance of possible answers fascinating. This lowly gentlemen's reponse was "Abraham Lincoln of course! (which in and of itself defends my sisters position to never go on a date with this bloke again).

Why Abraham Lincoln of course? Just cause he helped prevent us from being a nation divided?

What about Theodore Roosevelt, who instigated the national parks system, providing me with lots of great vacation memories. Or Andrew Johnson, who couldn't even read. What a role model, to prove that something as small as illiteracy should never hold you back. How about Andrew Jackson, who created the spoils system, teaching americans that you should never leave your friends behind for success... bring them along. Heck, or JFK, presiding with style! Heck, one could even argue for President Palmer or President Bartlett. Oh the hour long conversation that could have been had if this boy had just one ounce of creativity or inclination towards a good debate. So sad...

On that note, though, I recently drove 40 (maybe +) hours across the country with a boy who is not lacking for interesting conversation. I would roadtrip with him again in a heartbeat.

He even got out to take pictures of state signs with me!

On our 3 hour detour through Chicago. We stopped for breakfast at the Bongo room, which is worth a 3 hour detour even in the middle of winter.

You still doubting me...

Ummm yeah, those are the delicious pancakes. Next time you're anywhere near the midwest... seriously, do yourself a favor and stop in