For once in my life, I'm scared to death

So I don't want to make too big of a deal about this next piece of information, but I felt that I could share with those people who read my blog.

I've decided to move to Germany!

I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. I'll be leaving Utah in december and then flying to Germany in January.

My dad's main concern is that I will go over there and get swept off my feet by an airman (when I state that I made it this far being single his response, boys in provo are wimps and air force officers are confident go getters). Well, no need to fear, I will only touch their arm for 2 seconds at a time ;) (see previous post).

So, just let me know if you wanna stop by for a visit....

***oh yeah, and if you could not mention this to my employers (I should probably do that myself... and I'm waiting for the right time) I'd appreciate it, thanks... that's probably just you peter :)***

I could use someone like you and all you know

***Disclaimer: Sorry if I've already told you this story in person***

Sometimes, when I'm closing Jo will stop by work and help me close because she just got off work and Macaroni Grill is on the way home. One recent evening she stopped by and started a conversation with my manager about dating. He went on to express my need to get married. So rushing to my defense, I obviously inquire as to why it is so necessary that I get married (not that I am opposed, purely I feel defensive in that I don't think I'm a failure just because I'm single and 23). He explains that marriage will help me to mellow out. Now why will marriage mellow me out, I ask, it's not as if marriage is a cure all for personality shortcomings. His response: "Carla, getting some is like smoking mary j's everyday... you'll totally mellow out."

He then decides that he is going to hire my husband in this next hiring round and that I need to work on being able to get a guy. So he gives me three pieces of advice.

1. I need to break the physical contact barrier. This can be as simple as touching a guy's arm, but for NO LESS THAN 3 SECONDS. (ok, ok, that's easy enough)

2. I need to be teachable. I need to let a guy teach me something. (I struggled with this one, as I am not a stupid girl and I refuse to pretend to be one (he originally suggested I let guys teach me about waiting tables... please, I've trained most the guys at work.... not that I think i'm perfect but this just isn't realistic) ANYHOW, the point being that I'm a know it all and guys like to feel like they know more than the girl or at least can show her something. So I'm working on it.

3. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they're lame. (My goal... to find a guy who's jokes aren't lame.)

So, I promised to incorporate these pearls of wisdom into my daily life, which leads us to a story.

Why Carla is the biggest goober on the face of the planet :)

So Jo and I decide that the turnover in the ward is a great opportunity to experiment with Jesse's "How to Get a Guy" principles. So sunday night there's a group of us all chatting and Jo prompts me to go ahead and try my tricks. (Unfortunately, the guy that I decided to use as my tester was made previously aware of these tactics).

So I say "Hey cary, how's it going" meanwhile lightly touching his arm to get his attention. One second, two second, three seconds.... PERFECT!

Cary: "I'm great, how are you carla." (Ha, step one as a goober... make a big smile at Jo, because step one worked.)

I respond with something to the effect of being good.

Conversation continues, and then Cary interjects "Hey carla, did you know that 20% of people in provo smoke."

Me: "No, i didn't... wow, that's a lot!"

......

.....

about 30 seconds pass

.....

.....

before I RUIN IT BY BEING ME!!!

Me: skeptical face "really? 20%? That just sounds ridiculous."

Everyone in the group: "CARLA!!!!! you were doing so well! You're supposed to just go with it!"

DANGIT!

Well, I'm a work in progress. I've been practicing all week, I'll keep you posted on any measurable progress.

Tired of this...

The internet has been down FOREVER!!!!! UGH!!!! But, I read this on facebook and died laughing, because, well... it's my life.

You know you're a server when...

1. You know that "in the weeds" is NOT a camping term.
2. You cant decide who you hate more: kids, old people, teenagers, or foreigners
3. You're pissed if you got a $10 tip on a $60 check.
4. You can figure out 20% like nobodys business.
5. You heavily debate putting on a gratuity for a big party. And may call in a second opinion to evaluate the table.
6. You're familiar with the signature cocktail: water with lemon.
7. You don't have any idea what the special is and could care less.
8. When you go out to eat, you over analyze everything your server does. And even if they screw up you still tip at least 20%.
9. You hang out at the server table.
10. You know about all your co-workers sex lives and drug habits. And you participate in one or the other; or both!
11. You know what the most dreaded side work is and how to avoid getting stuck with it.
12. Same goes for the death section.
13. You understand the importance of booths.
14. You know that an over cooked steak is the worst re-cook ever.
15. You want to kill the kitchen when they have 30 minute ticket times.
16. You will take the long way around just to avoid your table.
17. You hate making desserts.
18. You get weeded waiting forever for the bar to pour you a freakin beer.
19. You live out of your car.
20. You always have cash on you, yet you're always broke.
21. Your cash is usually still in your book days after you worked.
22. You know who sells the good drugs.
23. You never know what happened to the wine key.
24. You become a nocturnal creature.
25. Everybody on a Sunday AM shift has a hangover.
26. The busser is never around when you need him.
27. Getting cut does not equal getting out.
28. You need a manager card to wipe your ass!
29. A mess up is always appreciated by the starving servers...
30. And you're all like a bunch of vultures when it happens!
31. When in doubt-you go with medium.
32. You use the term 86 in regular conversation. Yet you have no idea where it came from.


The next time you're out eating at a resturant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!

There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restraunt. It's very distracting and rude to others eating, not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

2. "THE CAMPERS":
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money. Not to mention, if you are our last table we have to wait for you to leave before we can leave.

3. COMPLIMENTS:
Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it's an insult.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we can't pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

5. TIPPING:
It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Look at the first number of your bill. ie. if your bill is $30, double the 3 & you have a $6 tip. If the second number is more than 5 however, you must add a dollar. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage which is $2.13. And we are taxed on 15 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.

7. THE FREE STUFF:
If you happen to get anything for free and you did not have a problem with your dining experience, most of the time it is because the server thinks you will realize that they are giving it to you for free. There should be extra tip thanking the server for the free item. They could get in a lot of trouble giving away free stuff. You should give them hazard pay for it.

8. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restraunt 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can't leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don't want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don't want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

9. THE TABLE HOGGERS:
If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don't sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restraunt. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

10. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing, please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. And ask us how we are doing as well. It's called manners. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don't interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" Just sit tight for a damn minute & let us talk. You're not helping us out & saving us time by stopping our greet, you are pissing us off.

11. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Don't ever talk on your cell phone in a restaurant. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.

12. THE PICKY PEOPLE:
When you're taken to a table, sit there. There's a reason you were taken to that table and it's because that server is next on the rotation. If you prefer a certain table, section, window seat etc. specify that to the host/hostess BEFORE they walk you to your table!! Don't wait till they get to the VERY back of the restaraunt then ask "can we have a booth?" "Can we sit by the window?" No! The reason you weren't sat by the window or in a booth is most likely because the server by the window or the server with the booths just got sat and you will receive better service if you stay put. If you ask BEFOREHAND the hostess has time to sit you accordingly. They have time to find you a table where you will be happy to sit AND receive good service!

13. THE WAVERS:
If you wave at me or try to talk to me while I am talking to another table or have a huge tray in my hand, I WILL ignore you. We have other people besides you to take care of and unless we are standing still or hanging out by a computer, we are doing something. It is rude to think we will stop what we are doing for one table just to come help you. Let me put this heavy ass tray down in the middle of the dining room to find out you want more sauce. Do not grab me, or wave, or shake your glass, or call me ma'am or waiter or any other pet-name you want to call me because you were on your cell, or talking, or interrupted my initial greet where I told you my damn name!

Ahhh, i Love my life. Good Times.

Who knew?

I have writer's block because i spend all my creative juices writing for other people's blogs... anyhow.

I saw this commercial again and laughed. A little guidance and inspiration for your day...