I could use someone like you and all you know

Friday, September 18, 2009

***Disclaimer: Sorry if I've already told you this story in person***

Sometimes, when I'm closing Jo will stop by work and help me close because she just got off work and Macaroni Grill is on the way home. One recent evening she stopped by and started a conversation with my manager about dating. He went on to express my need to get married. So rushing to my defense, I obviously inquire as to why it is so necessary that I get married (not that I am opposed, purely I feel defensive in that I don't think I'm a failure just because I'm single and 23). He explains that marriage will help me to mellow out. Now why will marriage mellow me out, I ask, it's not as if marriage is a cure all for personality shortcomings. His response: "Carla, getting some is like smoking mary j's everyday... you'll totally mellow out."

He then decides that he is going to hire my husband in this next hiring round and that I need to work on being able to get a guy. So he gives me three pieces of advice.

1. I need to break the physical contact barrier. This can be as simple as touching a guy's arm, but for NO LESS THAN 3 SECONDS. (ok, ok, that's easy enough)

2. I need to be teachable. I need to let a guy teach me something. (I struggled with this one, as I am not a stupid girl and I refuse to pretend to be one (he originally suggested I let guys teach me about waiting tables... please, I've trained most the guys at work.... not that I think i'm perfect but this just isn't realistic) ANYHOW, the point being that I'm a know it all and guys like to feel like they know more than the girl or at least can show her something. So I'm working on it.

3. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they're lame. (My goal... to find a guy who's jokes aren't lame.)

So, I promised to incorporate these pearls of wisdom into my daily life, which leads us to a story.

Why Carla is the biggest goober on the face of the planet :)

So Jo and I decide that the turnover in the ward is a great opportunity to experiment with Jesse's "How to Get a Guy" principles. So sunday night there's a group of us all chatting and Jo prompts me to go ahead and try my tricks. (Unfortunately, the guy that I decided to use as my tester was made previously aware of these tactics).

So I say "Hey cary, how's it going" meanwhile lightly touching his arm to get his attention. One second, two second, three seconds.... PERFECT!
Cary: "I'm great, how are you carla." (Ha, step one as a goober... make a big smile at Jo, because step one worked.)
I respond with something to the effect of being good.
Conversation continues, and then Cary interjects "Hey carla, did you know that 20% of people in provo smoke."
Me: "No, i didn't... wow, that's a lot!"
about 30 seconds pass
Me: skeptical face "really? 20%? That just sounds ridiculous."
Everyone in the group: "CARLA!!!!! you were doing so well! You're supposed to just go with it!"


Well, I'm a work in progress. I've been practicing all week, I'll keep you posted on any measurable progress.


Shelli said...

If that's not the quote of the day...

I had a friend in high school who would consistently tell me I needed to "get laid" and then my life would be a lot less stressful. Six years later...

Anyway, good luck with it all!

PS - when are we going to hang out again? I haven't seen you since I bathed my finger in an egg and that finger is nearly healed.

DeeAura said...

I just re-lived that moment, and it brought a big, wide grin to my face. :) I would have laughed out loud, but my boss was in the next cubicle and I would've had to explain myself. Instead, I tried to keep it in...and made a weird sound instead. Yeah, much better....Ah, Carla. :) I love you more than words can say....

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