She's got hair like a superstar.... (not so much)

Zoey has developed Alopecia.

I'm pretty distraught. Yes, I suppose I am extremely shallow and would like my baby girl to keep her hair... but, it's more an extreme sense of guilt since she only lost all her hair after I gave her a bath last night. Her hair is still just as thick on the back of her head, but the top is totally bald! She has the hairline of a 50 year old man....

Or her 26 year old father?

You tell me?

It doesn't help that she's also developed a farting problem to rival an 80 year old man. Sigh, I have a lot to teach her about being a lady!

Oooh this is how it starts

Zoey is 1 month old!

(And she hates taking pictures as much as her mom)


stats on Zoey:

-She's starting to put some chub on. She weighs 9 lb 8 oz! Meaning she went from the 32% in weight up to the 50%. Such a good little eater! And she's in the 83rd% for height. (I don't know how I made a tall baby, but I'm real happy for her)

-She started smiling her 2nd week, but it still happens right after a good meal or after passing gas... but i suppose those two things make a lot of people smile

-Her first laugh in her sleep was on thanksgiving day

-She started tracking me with her eyes at 2 1/2 weeks.

-She holds her head up and looks around... this started early, but she's definitely getting stronger and almost to the point where I don't have to worry about supporting her neck

-She absolutely hates sleeping on her back, will tolerate her side, and sleeps best on her tummy. This makes me slightly paranoid about SIDS, but sleep deprivation wins and we do our best to make it safe for her to sleep on her side or tummy.

- Everytime she cries for more than a minute, cary plays me a lame movie about the period of purple crying... it doesn't help the situation.

-Cary wanted me to include, that she finally loves him more than her grandma. (He thinks she doesn't really love him--not true just different than her adoration of the baby whisperer).

Lately, she really likes to go through 3 diapers in about 15 minutes. She has this thing about waiting until she's in a clean diaper to finish her business. Family tells me that newborns don't plot--but if you could see her grin, you'd doubt too. I think she knows what she's doing and finds herself hilarious.

Seriously though, she's more fun every day and we're excited for all the big milestones to come!

And honestly to look you in the eye, it's easier to lie

I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

It'd be really easy to just post pictures of her and pretend life is shiny and perfect. It's easy to only mention the funny ancedotes and happy moments and allow everyone else to fill in the blanks with visions of a well adjusted mom who has finally reached her calling in life.

But why do I have to lie?

Because I'm afraid you'll quit reading? Possibly. But people listen to horribly depressing songs all the time. Because I'm afraid to admit I'm not perfect? Perhaps. Doesn't everyone want to be the person who makes it all seem easy. Because I am too prideful? Obviously. I only have one kid, and a supportive husband and my pride tells me that I am extremely capable of taking care of a baby.

And yet...

I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel defeated... by a cute (not so chubby) 8 lb baby girl.

I can't say that there's been one thing to tip me over the edge. It's everything. The three 2 hour bouts of sleep because of nighttime feedings that are supposed to get me from day to day are definitely catching up with me. The physical pain that typically begs a few days rest to recover, which will never happen. The heartbreak of that ;ittle quivering bottom lip when I can't figure out what my baby needs followed by desperation to make the crying stop. The inability to stay on top of chores, which equals a dirty home and is not helping with the lack of peace in my life. The exhaustion that compels me to collapse whenever possible, verses the need to stay on top of daily tasks and needs such as bathing and eating. The guilt of not doing anything to meet Cary's needs, when he's the only thing getting me from day to day.

And then of course there is my body image--i place way too much value on my appearance. The philosophy it took 9 months to gain the weight, it'll take time to lose it doesn't comfort me. My previously flat sculpted stomach from hours of concentrated workouts is now in a sad state of shriveled excess skin and stretch marks that no amount of ab workouts will ever make look half as good as helen mirren in a bikini. Nothing fits, which often crushes all resolve to get out and pull myself out of this rut. I pull the fat pants back on and one of Cary's t-shirts and allow myself to stay in all day.

If I could change even one thing would it be enough? I don't know. I suppose the only therapy I could come up with was to get it off my chest. So here it is.

Please don't feel the need to come to my rescue.

Like the title says "it's easier to lie." Ah, the weird quirk of my generation. We'll post our darkest feelings on the internet, but if you ask us point blank, we'll lie.

I have a case of the baby blues. Perhaps, I just needed to write it down so I remember what to expect next time.

Despite it all,
Let's just say,
I'm not so down that I don't still thank the heavens every day that I'm no longer pregnant!

Oh and for those who just look for pictures (I know you do mom, it's ok :) Here's a little humor to sum it all up.

I can tell by your eyes that you're not getting any sleep

I have started countless blog posts in the past weeks, and then baby girl wakes up or something else comes up and I never seem to finish writing the posts. So... maybe one of these days I'll finish them, but for today I'll just share a moment of my life via pictures.

Zoey loves sleeping in this position. What a goof!



I caught her laughing in her sleep. I wish she would laugh when she's awake, but I enjoy it while she's napping too. Wonder what she's dreaming about--probably her dad's dancing ;)



I'll be honest, sometimes life with a newborn feels a little overwhelming and I pause and think "What have I gotten myself into? Oh, what I would give for a 5 hour stretch of sleep!" And then she giggles in her sleep and it cracks me up and melts my heart. Those laughs get me through another day and hopefully soon they'll become daytime giggles and nighttime slumber.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Family Dinner at the Tippets Residence

(Friend's brought us dinner tonight (it was delicious))

(**These friends have a 2 months old baby boy, which is how the conversation got started**)

Cary: Hey Zoey, your boyfriend is 13 lbs. How do you feel about that?

Carla: Oooh we have a chubby chaser on our hands.

Zoey: [thought: why won't they give me my pacifier]

Carla: ooh or you could go for J.B. I mean he's a year older than you, but definitely a good looking little boy... and he has cool parents too.

Cary: Well, it's not like you have much competition so I suppose you can make up your mind later.

Carla: Well there is [good looking friend's in the ward]'s daughter. She'll make for some stiff competition Zoey.

Cary: Whatever Zoey, your mom is much more conniving. [Good looking friend in the ward]'s lost her edge.

Carla to Cary: Conniving huh? I'm not sure how I got dragged into this... [dirty look]

Zoey: [coincidentally makes same dirty look]

**Haha I forsee lots of great dinner conversations once Zoey can also verbally contribute**